Funny / Humorous

Light-hearted and humorous church sign sayings. Full list below — one page, no pagination.

292 sayings

Saying	Words	Characters
50 Shades of Grace	4	18
7 days without prayer makes 1 weak	7	34
A closed mouth gathers no foot	6	30
A cold church is like cold butter, it doesn’t spread well.	11	58

Saying	Words	Characters
A goose never voted for an early Christmas	8	42
WE ACCEPT PRAY-PAL	3	18
Act your praise, not your shoe size.	7	36
I was addicted to the hokey-pokey but I turned myself around	11	60
Always remember that Hell is un-cool.	6	37
Apply Here. Advancement Guaranteed.	4	35
Are you a Clairol Christian… only your hairdresser knows for sure?	11	66
Are you lost? Pick up your GPS . Gods Problem Solver!	11	53
ATM inside. Acceptance, truth, mercy. No card needed.	8	55
Be thankful for more than an elastic waistband.	8	47
Before there was Twitter there were Church signs	8	48
Better is 1 Day at The Lord’s House than 10,000 Days at the Lake	14	64
Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not get all bent out of shape.	14	71
Body piercing saved my life	5	27

Saying	Words	Characters
Bring your sin to the altar and drop it like it’s hot!	12	54
Bring your spirtual Marshmellows, our pastor is on fire!	9	56
Brush up on your bible: It prevents Truth decay.	9	48
C.O.P.S – Constantly Obediently Preaching SalvationWhat’cha gonna do when He comes for you?	13	91
Cant sleep? Come hear a sermon.	6	31
Cars are not the only things recalled by their maker.	10	53
CH__CH Whats missing?	3	21
Christianity is like chicken pox, if you have it you can give it to others.	15	75
Church parking only. Violaters will be baptized	7	47
Church. The original community center	5	37
Cloudy with a chance of Love…Full forecast inside	8	49
Come as you are…you can change inside.	7	38
Come early for a back pew.	6	26
Come huddle with us before the big game	8	39

Saying	Words	Characters
Come in and send free knee-mail	6	31
Come to church – don’t wait for the hearse to bring you.	12	56
COVID-19 Christ Offers Victory In Difficulties (Joshua 1:9)	8	59
Cremation is your last chance for a smoking hot body	10	52
“Cross” Training inside!	3	24
Dairy Queen isn’t the only place with awesome Sundays :)	10	56
Darwin was an eternal optimist!	5	31
Devil riding your back? Take off the saddle!	8	44
Do not ask GOD what He can do for you, but Ask GOD what you can do for Him.	19	75
Don’t be like a blister and only show up when the work’s all done.	14	66
DON’T BELIEVE EVERYTHING YOU THINK	5	34
Don’t Forget To Fall Back Into Church	7	37
Don’t have a prayer? Free refills inside.	7	41
Don’t let worry kill you. Let the Church help	9	45

Saying	Words	Characters
Don’t Text While Driving – Pray!	6	32
Down in the mouth? It’s time for a faith lift	10	45
If you drink green beer on St. Patrick’s Day it counts as a vegetable.	14	70
Easter is more than something to dye for	8	40
Energy crisis? Seek GOD and get a puppy.	8	40
Enlighten up!	2	13
ETERNITY: smoking, or non-smoking?	4	34
EVEN DYING CHURCHES DONATE THIER ORGANS	6	39
Every day above ground is s good one	8	36
Exposure to the Son prevents burning	6	36
Extra,Extra, Read all about it! There’s one God and there’s no doubt about it!	14	78
Extreme Savings offered Here, No Coupons required!	7	50
Faith is like therepy. You have to use it or loose it.	12	54
FALL FOR GOD HE IS TRUELY UNBE-LEAF-ABLE!	7	41

Saying	Words	Characters
Fall For Jesus, He Never Leaves	6	31
Fight truth decay. Brush up in the Faithbook!	8	45
Fight Truth Decay…Study The Bible Daily	6	39
Firefighters can rescue you, but only Jesus saves.	8	50
For 2020 vision, fix your eyes on Jesus!	8	40
For heavens sake! what on earth are you doing?	9	46
Forbidden fruit creates many jams.	5	34
Forbidden fruit creates many jams.	5	34
Forget Pokemon – Go to church	6	29
Forgive your enemies, it will mess with their mind.	9	51
FREE bread and juice inside!!!	5	30
Free life insurance! Details inside. Benefits are out of this world.	11	68
Free redemptions inside.	3	24
Free Trip To Heaven…Details Inside	5	34
Friends don’t let friends die without Jesus	7	43
Gamboling losses are a volunteered tax on stupidity.	8	52
Get Connected Upload A Prayer	5	29
Get out of Facebook and get into your faith book	10	48
Get off Facebook and get into my Book.	8	38
Get off the fence and under The Cross it’s much safer.	11	54
GET RICH QUICK! COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS!	6	37
Give all you can; no one ever saw a hearse pulling a U-haul!	13	60
Give Satan an inch, he will be your ruler	9	41
God Answers Knee-Mail	3	21
God answers knee-mail.	3	22
GOD can open doors that no other man can, our doors are open to all come have a seat.	19	85
God doesn’t believe in Atheist!	5	31
God doesn’t have a Plan ‘B’	6	27
God grades on the cross, not on the curve	9	41
God; Help me to live not my way, but Yahweh	10	43
God is CEO of the Universe	6	26
God is good all the time	6	24
God is like Allstate, you’re in good hands.	8	43
God is like Coca-Cola, he’s the real thing.	8	43
GOD LOVES RIGHT TURNS ON “RED”	6	30
God makes me the person my dog already thinks I am.	11	51
God Recycles, He Made You From Dust	7	35
God Sent the first text message…The Bible	7	41
God Sent The Very First Text Message: The Bible!	9	49
God wants full custody not just a weekend visit.	9	48
God welcomes the biggest of turkeys!	6	36
God will never forsake you. Unlike the Chargers.	8	49
God will welcome even the biggest turkey.	7	41
Google can’t satisfy every search	5	33
Google doesn’t have all the answers.	6	36
GOOGLE: It can’t satisfy every search.	6	38
Got Jesus?	2	10
Got jesus? I do.	4	16
Grace Factory Outlet	3	20
Hands in Prayer: Already Digital	5	32
Have you got the blues? Jesus can get you into rhythm and save your soul.	15	73
Heaven Deal or No Deal!	5	23
Heaven. Free map inside.	4	24
Hell! I thought I’d gotten away with it!	8	40
Hell! I thought it didn’t matter what you believed as long as you were sincere!	15	79
Hell!…I’d forgotten about that!	4	31
Hello, it’s me. I was wondering if after all these years you would come back to me – God	19	88
His Eye is on the Sparrow, and He’s Watching You Birds Too	12	58
Honk and drive if you love Jesus. Text and drive if you want to meet Him.	16	73
Hot out there? Our church is prayer conditioned!	8	48
Hungry? Soul food served here!	5	30
I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage. ~ Erma Bombeck	14	73
ipad, ipod? try ipray.	4	22
I pray only on days that end in ‘y’!	9	36
I wish Noah had swatted those two mosquitos	8	43
If God wants weeds to grow, it’s OK by me.	10	42
If man came from apes… Why are there still apes?	10	48
If the devil is knocking at your front door, let Jesus answer it	13	64
If you are lost come inside we have the map to get you home!	14	60
If you can read this sign you are close enough to come in.	13	58
If you don’t know Jesus you are the biggest loser	10	49
If you don’t like this heat, practice Heaven-conditioning.	8	58
If you think that you’re kind, German children are kinder.	10	58
If you want to hear from God, come inside; if you want to meet God, text Him while driving.	19	91
If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans.	11	51
If you’ve had Mondays all week, you need our Sundays.	10	53
IM GOING TO HEAVEN CAUSE I CANT STAND THE HEAT	10	46
Immediate seating available.	3	28
iPod? iPad? Try iPray…God is listening!	6	39
Is your Bible a website?	5	24
It is much easier to become a father than to be one.	12	52
It’s all about that grace, about that grace, no devil	10	53
It’s too cold to change the sign, come inside for the message!	12	62
Jesus a crutch? More like a catapult!	7	37
Jesus even loves the tax collector – Mark 2:15	9	46
Jesus: Gateway to the supernatural	5	34
Jesus IS coming……Hopefully Before Election Day	6	46
Jesus isn’t on Facebook, but you can still follow Him.	10	55
Jesus loves you more than the Easter Bunny	8	42
JESUS loves Michigan fans we have his favoriet colors blue and gold	12	67
Jesus loves you SNOW MUCH!	5	26
Jesus said “I’ll be back” way before Arnold did.	9	48
Jesus said it. I believe it. That settles it.	9	45
Jesus… The quicker picker upper	5	31
John the Baptist said come on in, the water’s fine.	10	51
Just Pew It	3	11
Keep your eyes on the road and your head out of your apps	13	57
Ketchup with Jesus and relish his love!	7	39
Let the Son shine in!	5	21
life a mess? try Jesus the original quicker pickerupper	9	55
Life: the ball’s in your court After death: it’s God’s turn	11	59
Live music every Sunday.	4	24
Living without God is a lot like dribbling a football.	10	54
Looking for High Definition? We have it!	7	40
The Lord said to John, Come forth and receive Eternal Life. John came fifth and won a toaster.	18	95
Lost? Use GPS – God’s Plan of Salvation	8	39
Make a right turn. It’ll be the right turn.	9	43
Make God your director – He knows how the story ends	11	52
Manufacturer’s Recall. Are you ready?	5	37
Math Lesson – 3 Nails plus 1 Cross = 4 given	11	44
May all your days have Son Shine	7	32
May all your troubles be as short as your New Year’s resolutions	12	64
May you be in Heaven half an hour before the Devil knows you	13	60
May you be awe struck by God’s sense of humor as you wrestle with the possibility that a professional wrestler had a chance to become President of the United States.	30	165
Men- When you bring home the bacon, bring home the book.	11	56
If we could mind our biscuits, life would be gravy	10	50
Moses was once a basket case.	6	29
Most turkeys taste better the day after; my mother’s tasted better the day before. ~ Rita Rudner	17	96
My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor. ~ Phyllis Diller	17	99
Need a new life? God accepts trade-ins	7	38
Need soul repair ? Walk right in.	7	33
No fake news here, just the good news	8	37
No perfect people allowed or those that know everything. All others welcome to join us for service.	17	99
no pokemon here just God	5	25
Nothing is more honorable than a grateful heart.	8	48
Occupy Mainstreet, why not occupy a pew?	7	40
Open wide and say “awe.”	5	24
Our Church is Like Fudge – Sweet with a Few Nuts	11	48
Our nursery is a nut-free zone. The congregation? Well… God loves us anyway!	13	76
Parking for church members only. (Trespassers will be forgiven).	9	64
Party in Hell cancelled due to fire	7	35
Patience is a virtue heavy in wait	7	34
Pessimists need a kick in the can’ts.	7	37
PRETEND WE ARE WALMART AND COME ON INSIDE	8	41
Put your troubles in HOLY pockets	6	33
Rapture can happen any moment Come in and get a jump start!	12	59
Read your Bible It’s user friendly plus we offer Tech Support on Sunday Morning	14	79
reading this? It’s a sign.	5	26
Real Tongues of Fire does not mean gossip. Acts 2:1-4	10	53
REIGN MAN. I’M AN EXCELLENT SAVIOR!	6	35
REMEMBER LAST WINTER? REPENT OR I’LL SEND MORE SNOW!	9	52
Repent now! Avoid the rush on judgment day!	8	43
OUR SAFE COMBINATION: FATHER, SON AND HOLY SPIRIT!	8	50
Salvation Is The Best Free App To Get	8	37
Salvation – turn right. Procrastination – straight on.	8	54
Sandy is watching, Please return your shopping cart to the cart corral	12	71
Screaming Oh God!” “Oh God!” in bed on Sunday morning doesn’t count as going to church”	16	87
See Me now or pay Me later.	7	27
Sermons like biscuits, are better with shortening.	7	51
Sign broken – come inside for messages	7	38
Sin burn is prevented by Son screen.	7	36
Skip rope, not church	4	21
Skip Rope, not Church!	4	22
Sleep soundly in our pews.	5	26
Smoking or non smoking section	5	30
So you think it’s hot now	6	25
Some people are like buttons, always “popping” off when they don’t need to	13	74
Son block has never worked for me.	7	34
“Soul” food served here!	4	24
Souler energy used here	4	23
Spend less time on Facebook, and more time with His Book	11	56
Stop, Drop and Roll does not work in hell.	9	42
Stop , drop and roll will not work in hell	10	42
STOP, DROP AND ROLL WON’T WORK IN HELL.	8	39
Summer is Here We’re Having Fun in the Son	9	42
Summer’s here! Before you have fun in the sun, make sure your following the Son!	15	80
Sunday Mornings…Live Music & BYOB (bring your own bible)	9	56
THAT WAS SUPER BOWL 50. CAN YOU IMAGINE 666?	9	44
T.G.I.F.- Thank God I’m Free.	5	29
Taco bout the holy ghost	5	24
Take Hold of the Word of God and Blossom Because God Will Round-Up Weeds	14	72
Tax-free benefits inside.	3	25
Thank God for dirty dishes – at least we have food to eat.	13	58
Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence. ~ Erma Bombeck	24	161
The best vitamin for a Christian is B1.	8	39
The church is a gift from God. Some assembly required	10	53
THE COLD NEVER BOTHERED ME ANYWAY	6	33
The lost and found is located inside, come on in!	10	49
The mighty oak was a little nut that stood it’s ground.	11	55
The older I get, the smarter my father seems to get.	11	52
The original “slow learner”, Pharaoh of Egypt!	7	46
The pastors on vacation, come join us on Sunday.	9	48
The Ten Commandments Are Not Multiple Choice.	7	45
The way to Heaven: Turn right go straight	8	41
There’s no high like the Most High.	7	35
This is a sign!	4	15
Those who are praying for snow, please stop	8	43
THOU SHALT NOT COVID THY NEIGHBOR	6	34
Time is Horizontal, Eternity is Vertical.	6	41
Tithe if you love Jesus! Anyone can honk!	8	41
To Hot outside? Come in for a cool message.	9	43
To stop reaping bad fruits, stay out of Satan’s orchard.	10	56
Treasures in heaven are safer than those in your 401K.	10	54
Trust God: He counts on you!	6	28
Try our sunday’s there better than Dairy Queen’s!	8	49
Try our tax-free rewards program.	5	33
TRYING 2 GET YOUR PIECE @ ANY PRICE? TURN 2 JESUS 4 A PEACE THAT IS PRICELESS!	17	78
Tweet others as you want to be tweeted	8	38
Under The Same Management For 2000 Years	7	40
Under The Same Management For Over 2000 Years	8	45
Understanding God would be easier if we had infinite IQ	10	55
WE USE AND ACCEPT PRAY-PAL	5	26
Use “Sonscreen” to prevent “Sinburn”	5	36
Visitors Welcome. Members Expected.	4	35
VOTE MOTHER TERESA, NUN OF THE ABOVE	7	36
Wal-Mart Is Not the Only Saving Place. Come On In.	10	50
Wal-Mart might save you money but, Church saves your soul.	10	58
Walk-ins welcome.	2	17
Wal*Mart isn’t the only saving place.	6	37
Want to be friends with Jesus and the angels and saints? Try Faith” book!”	14	74
Wanted: Singers. Inchoir within.	4	32
we are souler powered by the son	7	32
We give thanks for God and green bean casserole.	9	48
We should look for someone to eat and drink with before looking for something to eat and drink. ~ Epicurus	20	106
We use Duct Tape to fix everything… God used nails	10	50
Weather Forecast – GOD reigns – Son shines	8	42
We’re All Bout Dat Grace Bout Dat Grace No Devil	10	48
we’re not baskin & robbins, but we have great sundays.!	10	55
We’re user-friendly! Come on in.	5	32
What’s the Cutest Month? AWWWWTUMN	5	35
What’s missing in CH_ _CH?	5	26
When Gabriel Toots, We’re Gonna Scoot!	6	38
When God saw you – It was love at first sight	11	45
When Satan knocks, say, “Jesus, would you get that?”	9	52
When the rapture come who’s gonna change the sign — Will YOU?	12	61
Without the Bread of Life, you are toast!	8	41
Yellowstone might blow its top. Don’t worry. God’s got the date.	11	66
YES, YOU CAN JUST WALK IN	6	25
you cant exercise your faith just sitting in a pew	10	50
You don’t have to be in Who’s Who to know what’s what	12	53
YOU HAVE ONE NEW FRIEND REQUEST! JESUS ACCEPT/DENY	8	50
You have to wonder about humans. They think God is dead and Elvis is alive!	15	75